Grieving an Animal Companion Is Real Grief
Part 2: Validating the depth of the bond and the legitimacy of your loss & preparing for it.
Grieving an animal companion can feel disorienting, especially when the depth of your pain is met with confusion or minimization. It might feel embarrassing to express that you’re deeply struggling with this loss to friends and family. I know I was very confused about why it was so hard to bear witness. I internalized a lot of this shame and guilt because, quite honestly, I just wasn’t prepared. If I had been more informed about the tax on my nervous system, the societal shame, or the general feeling, I do believe I would have had an easier time integrating it.
Yes, I had herbal support that most folks don’t have access to because of my training, but the insight from the stars is what made everything click into place. It gave me reason, and it lent insight into how to live my life moving forward.
Many people are surprised by how profound this loss feels, not because the bond was small, but because it was woven into the quiet rhythms of everyday life. That was the most disorienting aspect: the routines. I didn’t realize how much of my life had been tied together with my late cat.
This kind of grief is often private, embodied, and difficult to explain. And yet, it is real. It’s so deeply real, but it’s often not discussed. Especially in a way that’s real, grounded, and fact-based. Yes, my approach is deeply spiritual since I integrate astrology, but the planets are physical, the herbs are tactile, and my approach blends in the science of nervous system regulation.
The bond was not imagined or excessive
Your animal companion is not simply present in your life. They participate in it. They attune to our nervous systems, track our emotional weather, and offer consistency without conditions or expectations. So many of us have the experience of our animal companions just “knowing” when we need extra support. A cat lying on your chest when you’re anxious. A dog snuggling up when you’re crying. This often isn’t a coincidence. Animals are attuned beyond our general capacity of understanding or testing. You’re not imagining it, they lived in rhythm with you, and you with them. It’s a symbiotic relationship that often isn’t realized until that tether is frayed.
When that presence is gone, the absence is felt everywhere. The house sounds different. The body reaches for routines that no longer exist. The heart registers a rupture that language struggles to keep up with. It’s disorienting beyond reason. Simple parts of your day are no longer predictable. I know for me, the most mundane tasks were impossible to get through.
The depth of your grief reflects the depth of the relationship, not a lack of resilience.
Why this loss is often minimized via disengranchised grief
Grieving an animal companion exists in a strange cultural space. There is love, but not always permission to mourn openly. There is heartbreak, but rarely ritual or communal acknowledgment.
One of the things I’m most grateful for is my spiritual background during this time. I’ll be creating a full, in-depth video on this topic in the future. The day we brought his remains home from the crematorium, my wife set up a ceremony outside next to our fire pit to honor his arrival. It was second nature to create an altar for him to land his energy within our home. These practices honored his life and bookmarked meaning within the grieving process. Something that’s often missing when you look at most pet grief resources.
This lack of validation can create secondary grief. Not only are you missing your companion, but you may also be questioning whether your pain is allowed to be as big as it is. I know I kept wondering to myself after times of panic if I was over-reacting. It seemed like it was hitting me harder than most. The thing was, no one really talks about this process in depth.
Disenfranchised grief is a form of grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned. It happens when a loss is real and deeply felt, but the surrounding culture does not recognize it as legitimate enough to deserve care, time, or ritual.
Pet loss often lives squarely inside this category.
When an animal companion dies, many people are met with subtle messages that suggest their grief should be smaller. Comments like “they were just a pet” or “at least it was not a person” can land with quiet violence. Even well-meaning reassurances can carry an undercurrent of dismissal. The ones that hurt the most for me were suggestions to adopt another cat. While I don’t shame anyone for doing this immediately after their pet passes, this suggestion drove me nuts. It made me feel like my pain wasn’t valid. That if I adopted another one, it would “fix” the problem.
This leaves grieving people holding not only their sorrow, but also the burden of self-doubt. It creates an internal feedback loop that we’re not able to break. Since we don’t feel seen enough to express our process, our only choice is to stew.
Your grief does not need comparison to earn legitimacy.
Disenfranchised grief does not just hurt because of the loss itself. It hurts because the mourner is left without mirrors. Without permission. Without language that affirms what their body and heart already know.
In pet loss, this can lead people to:
Downplay their emotions
Apologize for their sadness
Rush their healing
Grieve in isolation
The pain becomes something to manage quietly instead of something to be tended with care.
Grief does not require consensus to be real. It does not need to be ranked or compared to other losses. The legitimacy of your grief is measured by the bond you shared, not by whether others understand it.If your animal companion was a source of love, safety, and connection, then their absence will naturally create a profound ache. You don’t need to fall into the trap of comparing this loss to a human. Nor should you be comparing your grief in general.
My hot take is that sometimes our pets’ losses hit us harder than some family. After all, we are solely responsible for our animals’ livelihood. We’re the ones feeding them, enriching their lives, and spending all of our time at home in their presence. Most of us can’t say the same thing about most of our family members. This isn’t to say one is worse than the other, but it’s starting the conversation of removing the hierarchy.
Grief is pain. There’s no way around it if we walk through life surrounded by love.
The body recognizes the loss before the mind
Many people notice that their body responds before their thoughts do. Tightness in the chest. Disrupted sleep. A constant sense of searching. I know that’s how it was for me.
This happens because your animal companion was part of your regulation system. Their presence helped signal safety, rhythm, and companionship. When they are gone, the nervous system must recalibrate.
I went into the why behind this somatic experience in part 1 of this series.
Validating the legitimacy of your grief
Grieving an animal companion is not a lesser grief. It is not something to move through quickly or quietly. It is a relationship loss, full stop.
You are allowed to mourn.
You are allowed to speak their name.
You are allowed to miss them without justification.
Naming pet loss as disenfranchised grief can be a powerful act. It shifts the question from “why am I feeling this way?” to “why was I not taught how to hold this kind of loss?”
You are allowed to grieve openly.
You are allowed to seek support.
You are allowed to honor your companion in ways that feel meaningful to you.
Your grief does not need to be hidden to be dignified. It doesn’t empower anyone to hide it. It just feeds into the stigma that this kind of loss is somehow less than. If that’s how you’re handling any loss, I encourage you to explore different avenues.
Compartmentalization is a family curse. It takes bravery to break that vibration of generational trauma.
Grief does not measure worth by species. It measures love.
A gentle invitation
If you find yourself seeking language, ritual, or support that honors this bond, know that you are not alone. There are ways to hold this grief that do not rush it or try to explain it away.
Your love was real.
Your loss is real.
Your grief deserves care.
I’ve worked alongside animals for well over 10 years in veterinary medicine, animal care, and animal advocacy. I’ve sat alongside over 100 people while they walked their animal companions to the other side, said their final goodbyes, or asked me to do it for them when they couldn’t be present.
Oftentimes, you have a general idea when this day of loss might come. Sometimes it’s a hospice situation, and other times, it’s more emergent. Having someone on your team who understands how health can progress or how emergencies happen makes a difference. The set and setting change everything for how we remember these final moments. And, how we remember ourselves while we walk the path of departure.
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About the author
Hi, I’m Courtney, the voice behind Seasons of Self and the owner of The Cosmic Craft. I’ve been featured in printed publications & popular online platformslike Yahoo!, Bustle, and Pride. I am an astroherbalist, educator, and guide offering whole body support for life’s moments of departure. My work centers on grief, change, and the tender thresholds we cross when something we love ends or transforms, including the loss of animal companions, relationships, identities, and familiar ways of living. Through astrology, plant wisdom, breathwork, and gentle movement, I help people slow down, listen to their bodies, and learn how to stay present with what is leaving and what remains.
Related Reading
Why Losing a Pet Hurts So Much: https://www.thecosmiccraft.com/pet-grief
When Your Body Misses Them Before Your Mind Does ➢ Click here.
A Bond Beyond Words: Astrology for Pet Grief Support: https://www.thecosmiccraft.com/services-astrology-readings-all
Psychology Today: Understanding Pet Loss Grief https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/heartstrings/202211/why-do-we-grieve-losing-a-pet-so-deeply