What Is a Pet Death Doula? A Guide for Pet Guardians
When I first lost my soul cat Armin after 15 years together, it felt like my entire world stopped. Something I noticed right after his passing was how differently society treats those who are grieving an animal companion versus a human connection. I was immediately told to “just go adopt another” and “at least it wasn’t a person” – both of which were incredibly hurtful. What I needed was someone who could hold space for my pet grief and show me how to grieve with intention. I desperately needed someone who wasn’t afraid of grief, and who understood the pain I was experiencing from losing my soul cat.
Something I noticed right after my soul cat passed was how differently society treats those who are grieving an animal companion versus a human. My body truly didn’t know the difference; all it knew was my heart was broken. I grieved that cat more than I’ve grieved some people in my life.I wish I knew some professionals deeply understood the pain I was experiencing from losing my soul cat. Sacred space tenders, doulas, that aren’t afraid of grief, whose life work is to help their communities grieve with intention.
What Is a Pet Death Doula and Why You Might Need One
A pet death doula is a non-medical support person who works with pet guardians before, during, and after a pet's death. This support can include help with anticipatory grief while your pet is still alive, guidance on creating a meaningful and intentional goodbye, and ongoing support as you grieve afterward. My work focuses on the emotional, spiritual, and somatic experience of loss, which is distinct from the medical care a vet provides or the clinical framework a therapist works within.
How a pet death doula's role differs from a vet or therapist
A veterinarian's emotional support can only go so far. That’s not to say what they do is unimportant, but their job is to help your animal companion. This includes helping them leave a body that’s sick or deteriorating, which no vet really enjoys doing. It’s heavy work for them. While they can provide resources for grief, they’re not able to walk alongside you on your journey with it. I’ve seen this from a clinical standpoint, working in veterinary medicine as a technician for many years. The emotional side of grief support isn’t present for the staff in veterinary hospitals, let alone the animal guardians within their practice. It’s a model that I hope to have a hand in changing, because folks who practice veterinary medicine are often working a thankless job.
Therapists work in a clinical, talk-based framework. While I’m someone who can’t sing the praises of a good therapist enough, sometimes it just doesn’t fit right. This is especially true for folks who want a more holistic approach. Utilizing your astrological birth chart, we’re able to have conversations that go deep quite quickly, because the chart does a lot of the emotional uncovering. Your natal chart acts as a blueprint for what is longing to come to the surface. Your birth chart does the heavy lifting, creating paths forward, calling out to herbs that can help, and creating points of connection between the life you have and the one you’re longing for.
The space between these two points is where my pet death doula work comes in. I’m a holistic pet grief guide who bridges the gaps in our society that don’t make space for their particular kind of grief. Having a clinical herbal practice and reading birth charts since 2020, I blend it all together with ritual and somatic movement has been transformative for my own loss, as well as clients. I often find my clients already aware of this liminal space, knowing that they want to grieve differently, but not having the words for it. You’re not alone, and my work solidifies that.
Support before, during, and after your pet's death
Most pet grief content focuses on the period after a pet has died. One of the things that genuinely sets your practice apart is that you support all three phases: before, during, and after. Each phase of mourning needs to be worked through with a different energetic capacity. It’s imperative that a spiritual guide is able to honor this shift with you. The scope of my practice isn’t just for acute grief after euthanasia has already occurred. It’s larger than that. Ideally, every animal guardian has this kind of support before, during, and after their pet’s passing. It’s something that needs tending. Even before our animals are sick or old. This is the backbone of what makes my practice of being a pet death doula holistic: during each phase of guardianship, you’re met with a whole-body approach.
Before the death: this phase often involves anticipatory grief, and many pet guardians do not realize this is something they can receive support for while their pet is still alive. Rituals themselves aren’t just for when your animal companion has already passed. Creating rituals before treatments, surgeries, and milestones give you the ability to interact with your pets frequency of being. It gives you a direct tether to them. Astrological timing allows space for proper planning, forethought, and causation for certain circumstances. Astrology isn’t just for when nothing else “works”, it’s how I create custom herbal remedies, how my clients and I look at the lives of their darling ones, and aids in and preparing intentional goodbyes.
During or at the time of death: what it looks like to have support in this moment is one of the most meaningful aspects of my practice. This is something that’s rarely discussed in pet grief. Instead of letting this part go unnamed, I have a whole 15-page free workbook on how to make this liminal space intentional. You can create a sacred space with candles, herbs, crystals, and playlists. So much of my work is about community, and at the time of your pet’s death, having loved ones around to help you carry the weight. Even in just preparing yourself for their transition, when you’re able to do it with love, compassion, and grace, you don’t drown in the flood of heavy emotions.
After your soul pet’s death: ongoing grief tending, somatic support, and the practices that help someone move through loss. This is where we practice integration. Journal prompts, gentle movement, astrology, and herbs each have their place in this part of the cycle. Your brain is trying it’s best to catch up to it’s new reality. Sometimes, this phase feels like your house is a haunted tomb. Oftentimes, this is where folks find pet death doulas, is because the aftermath is far worse than expected. There’s validity in wanting a guide or companion to help you walk through life after your soul pets death. My astrology readings play a huge part in integration. This is where we start to craft a path forward, and when you really learn how to unravel with intention. If you’re asking yourself again and again, “When will I stop feeling like this?”, then it might be time for a reading. It’s not that we’re trying to spiritually bypass grief, but instead, having honest conversations about what needs to be left behind, and where we can start to find ourselves again. The chart has a natural ability to guide us toward our heart’s desires and answers some of life’s hardest questions.
I was never able to name the kind of grief I felt for Armin, my soul cat, long before he ever left this world. No one talked to me about what anticipatory grief even was. I just knew from the moment he entered my life that his departure would destroy me.
Seriously, I would wail about it probably once a week, for 15 years. Especially as he got older and his asthma progressed, it was something that pained me immensely. He was right in front of me, but I couldn’t help but break down entirely. I would sob about him leaving before he was ever really sick. Instead of making a plan or talking about this with anyone, I kept it hidden away in my mind. I just pretended like it wouldn’t happen. I was in denial.
Then, when his lungs started to fail, it was like my world shattered. The worst-case-scenario event was happening in real time. His last few days on Earth were overtaken by mourning. I would just lie next to him and sob and scream. Instead of taking care of myself, I kind of lost it. Every moment was spent in agony about the decision I knew I had to make. After he was euthanized in our backyard, I met with my grief-tending mentor and began to deconstruct why this pain hurt so bad.
Had I worked on this before Armin died, I know with confidence that his last few days on Earth would have been completely different. Working with someone who worked with grief longer than I’ve been alive was a blessing, but I still longed for understanding of losing a pet like this. It’s not that I viewed Armin as my child, but as a being that has been reincarnated alongside me time after time again. Feeling his soul leave this earth felt like it was ripping my heart in two. But it wasn’t until weeks after he passed that I started to see what it was teaching me. Every week I gained more insight with my mentor, and began to start my new, soul-led life.
Grief was a psychedelic experience and one that needed guiding through. On the other side of this, I got to witness firsthand how involved the Earth is during these sacred spaces. The stars illuminated a path forward. Herbs helped me gain support when my footing was uneasy. My body intuitively knew how to assimilate this deep emotional wound through gentle movement and communication. I’m forever grateful for what Armin taught me about love, loss, and guardianship. He taught me that I could count on myself and my intuitive connection to Mother Earth.
What pet death doula support looks like in practice
Support looks different for everyone, and that’s exactly what makes my practice holistic. It’s not the same recommendations or herbal protocols for everyone who steps into my world.
First, we assess which stage of grief you’re in, what kind of support you have, and what you need. If you’re someone who doesn’t even know what self-care is, or someone who has a rich ritualist practice, both folks are welcome here. It’s about talking about what you need to bolster yourself up out of the grief swamp.
I have free offerings like intentions, prayers, a rich library of video content, one-on-one consultations, and group offerings.
We’re able to walk a path utilizing the intuitive knowledge that medicinal plants hold. I take a look at your birth chart, and use your natal placements to help me find herbs that pair well with your constitution. My herbal practice isn’t allopathic, meaning it’s not “this herb for that ailment.” It’s more about what’s operative or depleted in your birth chart, and what herbs we can ask for support to bring us back to a more comfortable existence.
In my astrology consultations, we go deep. We talk about timing, often answering questions of;
“What is this grief of my pet here to teach me?”
“How long is this pain from losing my soul pet going to last?“
“What do I do now that my soul pet is gone?”
“Who am I without my soul pet?”
“Did I euthanize them too soon/too late?”
“How do I find meaning in a world without my animal companion?”
“How do I mindfully prepare for their departure?“
These questions all tie into your birth chart, bringing up different karmic patterns, lifelong conditioning, and sometimes even ancestral wounds. After my one-on-one astrology sessions, we focus on support and integration, and the door is open for regular check-ins. You don’t leave with questions, and instead, walk away from your reading with a deep understanding of what this grief is here to teach you, and how to better support yourself through this liminal space.
A ritual for tending your pet grief right now
Creating a ritual with tea helped align my body, mind, and soul to the aid that my herbal allies were offering with the grief I was feeling. It’s not to say these herbs cured my grief, but instead, they allowed my heart to mend itself. They offered support, nutrients, and care when I didn’t have any to give myself. These herbs helped my grief, along with an accompanying ritual that I could bring anywhere — it made my pet grief feel less isolating.
This ritual for pet grief was something that I personally leaned on after Armin passed. It helped so much that I knew I needed to share it with more folks. You can do this with any herbal tea (or even coffee), and it doesn’t require anything from you besides intention.
Frequently Asked Questions
How is a pet death doula different from a therapist?
A pet death doula is a non-medical support person who works with pet guardians before, during, and after a pet's death. My work exists instead inside of clinical herbalism, using astrology as a framework and bridge to more holistic understanding. A pet death doula focuses more on the emotional and physical needs of the grieving person, and helps them find tools to integrate the grief, instead of just “getting over it”.
Can I work with a pet death doula before my pet dies?
Yes, and honestly, that’s preferred! I deeply believe that the sooner you start working with death, the more comfortable the transition is for you and your pet when it happens. This is lifelong. The things you learn inside of my world aren’t just quick fixes; they’re tools to accompany you on your lifelong journey next to grief.
What is anticipatory pet grief?
Anticipatory grief is mourning you feel while your pet is still alive. It can come in the form of anxiety, rumination, and sometimes obsessive cyclical thoughts. There’s no timeframe for when this occurs. It can be long before your pet is ill or aging. But nonetheless, it’s very difficult to walk through, and often feels extremely isolating since it’s rarely talked about.
Ready to work together?
My books are now open for one-on-one astrology readings. A pet grief astrology reading maps the connection between your chart and your pet’s story, even if you never knew their birthday. Instead, we look at important dates like their adoption day, diagnosis time, or even when you found them on the side of the road.
If you’ve been told to move on, this is the opposite of that. It’s a place to be seen, to name what happened, and to grieve in public instead of in silence.